Judges 13
When Husbands are so, well — Chauvinist!
Now just recently someone just said to me, “I have
nothing against women. I think every man should own one.” I won’t tell you who
he was, but he was only kidding, I think.
Why are men so chauvinistic? Here in this chapter,
we have a beautiful illustration of it. I was going to call this sermon,
Mrs. Manoah, When He Treats Me as if I’m Not There. It sounds a bit like
I’ve been reading too many of those touch-feely psychological books. Actually,
I have, but here in this story is a story of marital tension. It’s not one of
those fisticuffs, no-holds barred, marital fights; it’s not one of those
dogfights. You don’t find that here in Judges 13, but there’s tension here.
And we need to be able to discern it and see what it is that this chapter is
teaching us about a godly marriage. Here’s a marriage in which the wife is the
one who has all the spiritual savvy, and there are many, many marriages just
like that. Now, there’s more in this chapter, of course, than a story about
marital tension, but for the purposes of this series in which we are focusing on
issues to do with marriage and the family, forgive me if, for this evening, I
concentrate on that aspect of the story.
The visitor to
the family.
Meet then, Samson’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Manoah.
Actually, we don’t know this woman’s name. Isn’t that irritating? There’s no
mention of her name here. When you read the text Manoah is talking to the
angel about “the woman,” his wife. Manoah had asked the name of this mysterious
visitor that has come to his wife, and in verses 17-20, the answer that he
receives is very odd. “There is more to me than you can ever understand. My
name is ‘wonderful,’” this visitor says. My name, in one rendition, is “beyond
understanding.” In another rendition, “too wonderful,” and in yet another, “You
won’t understand even if I told you.” You get the drift. So, Manoah and his
wife offer a sacrifice to the Lord. You know Rembrandt’s wonderful painting of
this particular story, where Manoah is offering a sacrifice to the Lord? It’s a
beautiful, beautiful picture. Just thought I would let you know that. It has
nothing to do with the sermon. It was painted during the time when they wrote
The Shorter Catechism, in the 1640s. In verse 22, Manoah says, “We have
seen God,” and in the flame of the sacrifice that was offered on the altar, the
visitor went up with it. It’s an extraordinary story; it’s a wonderful story.
Now, I want to look at it along two different lines
of thought. I want to look at it, first of all, in Manoah’s eyes. Manoah is a
stereotype. For him, life is all about correct behavior. He’s religious, he’s
conscientious, and he uses religion to insure that God doesn’t get too close.
This particular incident knocks him for a loop. He’s afraid of the consequences
of a religion that gets too personal. He’s afraid of delegating. He wants to be
in control of the situation. He doesn’t want surprises. He’s pompous, fussy,
distrustful, especially of his wife, and we’ll see that in a minute.
Now, I understand that it’s terribly dangerous to
generalize, especially about male and female stereotypes. Yes, I’ve been
reading those books, and I’ve been reading one with the delicious title,
Eight Points that show He’s a Guy. I never read these books, but for the
purposes of this series I’ve been delving into these sort of books, and they’re
everywhere. Eight Points that show He’s Still a Guy. You know, Men
are from Mars, Women are from Venus, that’s the kind of thing. And one of
the points that shows ‘he’s a guy,’ at least according to this book, is that he
likes to be in control. Well, I wasn’t taken with it either. I don’t fall into
a stereotype, at least, I don’t think I do. I prefer Wagner’s music to fishing.
I prefer good coffee to beer, so that doesn’t put me into a stereotype, and it’s
terribly, terribly dangerous to stereotype. Manoah falls squarely into a
stereotype. His wife comes to him and she says, “Look, this visitor, this man
of God.” She didn’t know at first that she had seen a theophany, that’s an Old
Testament appearance of God. She thought he was a man of God, and she said to
Manoah, her husband, “This visitor, this prophet, this man of god came to me,
and what do you think he said? He said, we’re going to have a son.” They had
been having some difficulties in that area, we’ll pass it by. We’re going to
have a son, that was the message. And, not only that, but there are details
about how this son is to be reared, and certain things she must not do. She
must not drink wine or strong drink, she must not eat anything that would be
ceremonially iffy in any way, and when the son is born, not a razor is to touch
his head. Which doesn’t make him a child of the 60s; it’s the nazarite vow of
Numbers chapter 6.
I. Manoah’s
response.
And what is Manoah’s response in verse 8? Look at verse
8. Look at his response. He prays that this visitor, this prophet, whoever he
was, would come again, so that Manoah might hear for himself what he had said.
In other words, he doesn’t trust his wife. He doesn’t trust her to report the
details; he doesn’t trust her to get it right. She can be trusted with some
household chores, but when it comes to important matters like this, he’s got to
hear it for himself. Mrs. Manoah is incompetent, unreliable, isn’t to be
trusted on major issues of life.
Is this a happy marriage? Don’t answer that too
quickly. Think about it, let that one germinate somewhere in the top of your
head for the next twenty minutes or so. Was this a happy marriage? The Lord is
wonderfully gracious and hears Manoah’s somewhat chauvinist prayer. Because God
often does hear, even our incorrect prayers. Isn’t’ that wonderful.
Imagine if God only answered the prayers that were
perfect. I mean, how many prayers have you uttered that you could say were free
from sin? That they were one hundred percent designed to give glory to God
rather than to get us somewhere. God answers this prayer. But you know, as you
read this story, read between the lines a little, when this visitor comes again
in answer to Manoah’s prayer, to whom does this visitor come? His wife, again.
He doesn’t come to Manoah, he comes to Mrs. Manoah. I love that. I kept
reading this passage over and over, and every time I read it I just had to
chuckle. Yes, I think sometimes God does have a sense of humor. And I think
this chapter is meant to make us inwardly smile. She comes running to him, and
she says to her husband, “That man, he’s here again.” Can you see the look on
his face? Every time I read this story, when she says, “he’s here again,” I
laugh. Do you notice? He asks this visitor, “Are you the one who spoke to the
woman?” He’s saying, do you hear it, he’s saying, “You should have spoken to
me.” That’s what he’s saying. “Are you the one who’s been speaking to my
wife? You really should have spoken this to me, so, tell me again, give me this
information again.” And when he hears it, he’s knocked off balance. He
suggests a party, but, a sacrifice would be more appropriate. “We’re doomed,”
he says. “We’re doomed.” He grasps the truth about the holiness of God, to be
sure, but his religion is all about negatives and it has no positives in it.
And Manoah loses his head, and you notice who the one is who puts him right?
Who is the one comes and gently corrects his theology. You know, if God really
wanted to destroy you, he wouldn’t have accepted this sacrifice. If God really
wanted to destroy you, he wouldn’t have given you this promise. Who is the one
who’s teaching the good theology here? It’s Mrs. Manoah.
O friends, this evening there are marriages just like
this, aren’t there. And don’t be looking round, don’t be looking around, men,
at where these marriages are. You’ve missed the point if you’re doing that.
Isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t it an extraordinary story? I know this story is
about more than this. I know there is a redemptive, historical point here, you
students at the seminary. I know that. I know there’s a bigger picture here, I
know God is doing something wonderful on the scale of history here, but right
now we’re in the details. Who was it that gave me that little thing, “God is in
the details,” I was just looking at it. God is in the details of this
marriage. God is deeply, deeply concerned about marriages, about your
marriage. About you men, about your attitudes, about your stereotypes, about
your learned behavior.
II.
Mrs. Manoah’s response.
But I want to look, secondly, at Mrs. Manoah’s
response. We’ll come back to Manoah in a moment, but let’s look for a minute at
Mrs. Manoah. Because she, too, is a stereotype, of sorts. She’s shy, perhaps,
diffident, perhaps, quiet, yes, self-effacing, well, at least in public. She is
in public a background lady, but she’s queen in the home. Do you understand
what I mean? When it comes to public appearances, she’s in the background.
She’s putting Manoah up front. But, you know, in the home, it’s a different
story. She’s used to her husband’s put downs, and she’s learned to handle them,
she’s learned to endure them quietly.
But as I read and reread this particular chapter, I
get the sense that Mrs. Manoah is also a very story woman, and also a very
determined woman. When Manoah loses his head, she quietly, but firmly chides
him. “Manoah,” she says, “if God meant to kill us, He wouldn’t have acted this
way.” She knows God. She knows God to a degree that Manoah didn’t, I think.
She knew God in a more deeply personal sense than her husband did. You know
Kipling’s famous lines, “If you can keep your head when all around you they are
losing theirs, then you will be a man, my son.” Well, he was an Edwardian in
the nineteenth century, but if you can keep your head when all around are losing
theirs, you’ll be a woman, my daughter. She understood her husband, and she was
able in that wonderful way, without sounding at all accommodating, she managed
to puncture his pomposity.
There are two lessons here. The first lesson is a
lesson that focuses on Mrs. Manoah. She accepts the situation. Manoah could
have benefited from reading one of those Christian “how to” books. You know,
How to Communicate in Your Marriage, that kind of book. How Not to Treat
Her as if She’s Not There, kind of book. She’s a loyal, loyal wife.
Holiness always manifests itself in patient goodwill. She ministered to him
despite his putdowns.
You know, doesn’t she typify what Peter says in I
Peter 3. You remember the context. He’s exhorting women, especially those
wives who may be married to unconverted husbands. Now, I’m not suggesting for
one minute that Manoah was not converted, that’s not my point. But the
principle is the same. When wives, godly wives are married to men who are less
mature in spiritual things, the principle is identical. Do you remember what
Peter says, “So live your life in reverence and meekness so that that itself
will become the means of ministering to your husbands.” Do you remember the
specific word that Peter uses in I Peter 3, about what that kind of ministry on
the part of a godly wife looks like? Do you remember the word? He calls it
“the beauty of a meek and quiet spirit.” Don’t misunderstand Peter. He’s not
saying that it’s lady-like to be meek and quiet. That’s not what Peter is
saying. What Peter is saying is that to be meek and quiet is actually to be
Christ-like. To be Christ-like. And one of the things you cannot avoid seeing
in this chapter is that there is a beauty in the determination of Mrs. Manoah to
minister to the pomposity of her husband, doubting as he was, her abilities to
understand the nature of things, there was a beauty about the way she went about
that. A beauty, let me say, that reflects something of the very meekness of
Jesus, Himself. I think that’s all together beautiful. I find that deeply,
deeply moving, to see how, in the context of a marriage that potentially could
explode in a million directions, and in certain societies and in certain times,
this marriage may well have done so. But for the sake of their marriage, she
displays this Jesus-like temperament, in order to win, and save, and grow that
marriage. It’s a Christ-like principle, I want to say.
But the second application I want us to see is a very
simple one. And it’s this: that God can use less than perfect marriages. My
point is that there are marriages just like this. Marriages where the husband
is a klutz. He’s an oaf. He needs his head cracked, but loves his wife a great
deal. Don’t misunderstand me now, there’s nothing nasty or mean or spiteful or
vengeful about Manoah. I don’t think Manoah saw what he was doing. I don’t
think he’s deliberately going out of his way to be mean and spiteful. That was
not that type of marriage. Now there are marriages like that, but this marriage
was not like that. What we have here is a marriage that potentially has tension
in it, but a marriage, nevertheless, that works. A marriage that has a certain
equilibrium about it. A marriage that is concerned with keeping up appearances
on the outside, even if in the home there might be opportunities for patient,
but firm, redress.
I was going to say, and I hope it’s not going to be
misunderstood, but there’s something “Southern” about this marriage, don’t you
think. Am I going to be shot down for that? There’s something “Southern” about
this marriage. This is a beautiful, beautiful thing, that God can use a
marriage like this. You know, out of this marriage came Samson, and Samson, in
the story of redemption, is hugely important. Out of this less than perfect
marriage God is going to do an extraordinary thing and you know, out of our
marriages, out of our stereotypes, out of the tensions and difficulties and
awkwardness that sometimes characterizes our marriages, characteristics about
which we need to repent, and need to change. But over and above that, isn’t it
wonderful, isn’t it extraordinary, that God is able to accomplish something
wonderful. Even in a marriage like this. Oh, may God out of our imperfect
marriages, be pleased to bring honor and glory to Himself, for Jesus sake.
Amen.