Well do take your Bibles in hand once again, and we are returning to our ongoing study of the pastoral epistles and the teaching of Paul in his first letter to Timothy. This morning we are looking at 1 Timothy 5:1-16. If you’re using a church Bible, you’ll find that on page 992. Paul is writing in this letter to give instructions to young Timothy on how one ought to behave in the household of God, the church. And our text builds on the image of the church as a household, as a family, in order to highlight some of the practical implications of that metaphor for the way we live and interact together.
If you’ll look at the first two verses of chapter 5, you will see that theme very clearly. These two verses stand, if you like, as a heading introducing this part of the letter that runs from verse 1 of this chapter through verse 2 of chapter 6. Paul writes, “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.” So he reminds Timothy that each category of believer in the church in Ephesus is really family, and so there ought to be tenderness, not harshness. Timothy is not to be a scold, but rather he is to approach them with familiarity, with warmth, in all his dealings with God’s people. Of course familiarity must always be tempered with purity, which for reasons that should be obvious Paul tells young Timothy to maintain purity with special care in all his pastoral relationships with younger women in particular. And with so many church leaders today falling into sexual sin, that is a word we continue to need to hear, isn’t it? But you get the context, the overall context of this discussion – the church is a household, a family.
And in this chapter, the apostle zooms in on three groups in the household, the family of God in Ephesus, for particular attention. First, there are the widows in verses 3 through 16. Then, there are the elders in 17 through 25. And finally, there are slaves in chapter 6, verses 1 and 2. The key word that brings this whole discussion together, looking at each of these three groups, summing up how Timothy is to relate to each in turn, is the term translated in our Bibles as “honor.” You see that word in verse 3? “Honor true widows.” Verse 17, elders who rule well are worthy of “double honor.” And in 6:1, bondservants are to regard their own masters as worthy of “all honor.” And so Timothy is to honor the family of God. And at Ephesus, Paul considers that these three groups in particular require particular attention and focus.
Now the subject of our study this morning falls on verses 3 through 16 which deals with what it means to show honor to the widows in the church. And along the way, as we look at what Paul says to Timothy about the widows, he’s going to teach us some vital principles about Christian service and mercy and mutual love that we all continue to need to learn. We are going to examine his teaching in verses 3 through 16 under four headings. First, we’ll look at the maintenance of true widows. Paul instructs the church to provide for them. Secondly, the marks of a true widow. Who are they and how can we identify them? Thirdly, the ministry of true widows. It’s not simply that they receive help, but Paul seems to expect them to engage in labor, in service in the life of the church. And finally, the motives of true widows, and indeed of the church as a whole. Why is this so very important? So the maintenance, marks, ministry and motives of true widows.
Before we look at each of those in turn, let’s pray and then we’ll read God’s Word together. Let us all pray.
Our gracious God and loving heavenly Father, Your Word is spread before us. Would You now take it up and wield it, the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God, to wound and to heal in all our hearts, for the glory of the name of Christ. Amen.
First Timothy chapter 5 at verse 1. This is the Word of God:
“Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.
Honor widows who are truly widows. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work. But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. For some have already strayed after Satan. If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.”
Amen, and we praise God for His holy, inerrant Word.
Well let’s think about what Paul says first of all about the maintenance of widows. If you glance down at verse 9, you’ll notice that qualified widows at Ephesus were to be enrolled on a list. There was to be a record of widows who were receiving financial support and practical care from congregational resources. But before the church takes on responsibility of caring for widows as spiritual mothers in the family of God, Paul actually starts with a word to a widow’s biological family first of all. Verse 3, “Honor widows who are truly widows. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.” Or again verse 16, “If any believing woman has relatives who are widows, let her care for them. Let the church not be burdened, so that it may care for those who are truly widows.”
When you became a Christian, it’s wonderfully true that you became part of a new family, didn’t you? You received new spiritual fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters in Christ, and that is thrilling and wonderful, but it should not be taken to mean that our biological families no longer matter or have a claim upon us. Instead, the teaching of our text is that it is precisely because we’ve come to know and love the Lord Jesus Christ that the bonds of family obligations are strengthened rather than weakened. And that’s why Paul tells the children and the grandchildren of widows to be sure to take responsibility for their care and not to presume upon the help of the church. The care of our families, especially our elderly family members, is part of basic Christian godliness. You are loving Jesus well when you love them well.
And the apostle drives that point home, do you see this in verse 8, with what is frankly a shocking statement. Look at verse 8. “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” So the Gospel has incredibly practical consequences for our lives. It’s terribly nosey, isn’t it, the Gospel? It interferes with your private, personal stuff. It intrudes into your family dynamics, how you treat your father and your mother. Those who have been gripped by the greatness of God in Jesus Christ, who have been born again, born from above, who are new creations in Christ, Paul says they love mom and dad, grandma, grandpa. They do whatever they can to care for them in practical and in concrete ways.
And if you’re not a Christian here today, Paul is saying to you one test of the truth and power of the Christian message can be seen in the way that it changes our attitudes to family. But don’t just take our word for it. After all, Paul says it is quite possible to sound pious, you know, carry a great big fat Bible to church every Sunday. You can look the part and speak the part, and he says, nevertheless, still deny the faith that we profess with our lips. You can be worse than an unbeliever because you ought to know better. So yes, he’s saying, do absolutely look out for hypocrites, they’re out there for sure, but what you mustn’t do is judge the Gospel message by the hypocrites who pervert it. Paul’s claim, rather, is that real Christians are radically committed to the care of their needy family, however hard and challenging that can often be. Take an honest look, he’s saying, at the homelives of real Christians and you will see a powerful demonstration of how the good news about Jesus changes us.
Some of you will remember Sebastian Bjernegård who was a member here while he was a student at Belhaven and then an intern while he was studying in our seminary. Sebastian came originally from a thoroughly, profoundly non-Christian family in Sweden, and in the providence of God, when he came to America for his studies, Sebastian lived with Billy and Debbie Dempsey. They virtually adopted him into their family, and it was just being exposed to a real Christian family trying to put Jesus first, trying to love each other imperfectly but truly, loving Sebastian well in Jesus’ name, that’s what brought him, in God’s timing, to the Lord Jesus Christ and to saving faith. He heard the Gospel from them, and then he watched the Gospel lived out, changing them, teaching them to be patient with each other, forgive one another, pursue one another, love Him and pursue Him. And the Lord used it to bring Sebastian to saving faith. As Christians, we need all, I think, to be asking ourselves, “What is there of the transforming power of the Gospel at work in me and in my family life that an average, secular, unbelieving American could see were they to come and live in my house for a month? Would they see the Gospel changing us, pushing us together, teaching us to practice kindness and patience and love? Do the dynamics of my home demonstrate what grace does when it really takes hold?”
Now before we move on, we also, I think, need to take careful notice of this category that Paul is using of “true widow.” Do you see that language in our text? It appears three times over in verse 3 and in verse 5 and in verse 16. What does Paul mean by a “true widow”? Clearly a true widow means something more than merely a woman whose husband has died. Rather, he says in verse 5, a true widow has been left all alone. This is a widow whose circumstances have rendered her destitute without any of the ordinary means of material support. And to be sure, we still have plenty of true widows like that today who need our care and our support, don’t we? “But the application of this passage should be wider,” writes one commentator, “because modern American culture has produced a category of women virtually unknown in the first century – Christian women and children who have been abandoned by their spouses and left without family support. Godly single mothers are new class of widow, and those without family and resources are the church’s sacred responsibility.”
I think that’s exactly right. There is a serious call in this chapter to us here at First Presbyterian Church to care for widows and orphans, for single mothers and for broken homes. Maybe in this new year, the Lord is calling some of you to get to know the work of Lifeline, our ministry partner that works in these areas in this city. Or maybe you could get involved in the ministry of Families Count where we work with parents and families in crisis in Jesus’ name. Certainly we all need to be on the lookout for ways to care for the struggling single mother in the pew. True widows need the family of God. That’s the first thing to see here – the maintenance of true widows. Those without family and resources are the church’s sacred responsibility.
But then secondly, notice the marks of true widows. Paul is clear the church is only to support qualified widows. And so the question naturally arises, “How do we identify a true widow? Who are they?” We’ve already seen the first distinguishing mark of a true widow in verse 5, haven’t we? They are left all alone, so they are in dire need, without family resources to help meet that need. But there are three additional qualifications in verses 9 and 10 that I want you to be sure to see. First, there is maturity. “Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age.” Secondly, there is marriage – “having been the wife of one husband.” And finally, there is maternity – “she has brought up children.” And so this is a destitute Christian woman who is mature, who was married, and has raised a family.
Now just pause for a moment. That is a very particular list, isn’t it, and it rather begs another question – “Why bring up these criteria at all? They’re not exactly moral criteria? Why bring up these criteria? If the church is merely supporting widows materially and financially, why do we require anything more than sufficient evidence of their needs? Why would maturity, marriage and maternity have any bearing on the issue?”
The answer to that leads to the third thing that I want you to see from the text. The maintenance of true widows, the marks of true widows, and thirdly now, the ministry of true widows. You saw, I’m sure, that Paul includes in his list of requirements for those who receive the support of the church that they must have a proven track record of ministry, presumably because Paul expects them to engage in an ongoing life of ministry and service in the church. That is why, like the qualifications for elders in chapter 3 verse 2 and deacons in chapter 3 verse 12, both of whom are to be one woman men, these widows, likewise, are to have been one man women. They are going to be doing ministry, and so they are expected to have been models of marital fidelity to those amongst whom they will serve. That’s why parenthood and maturity also really matter. Paul wants these women to have walked down most of the roads the rest of us have yet to travel and to have shown themselves faithful.
Importantly, however, notice in verse 5, that the godly widow’s first area of ministry isn’t actually oriented toward other church members at all. Do you see that in verse 5? Her first area of ministry is actually focused on God. “She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.” Now there is a great hue and cry in some sections of the wider church today over the subject of women’s ministry. Well let’s let the Word of God here instruct us on that subject. Here is the first priority of a faithful ministry-minded woman in the church of Jesus Christ – she gives herself to the hard work of secret prayer. And by the way, what should be true for women’s ministry should be true for all ministry, of whatever kind in the church of Jesus Christ. Public ministry toward others finds its validity and its fruitfulness only when it is built on the private ministry of diligent, believing, persistent prayer. Public ministry finds its validity and its fruitfulness only when it is built on the private ministry of diligent, believing prayer. So their ministry begins with private prayer.
But then, notice what we do learn about their public labors. A true widow must have a reputation for good works. Verse 10, “she has shown hospitality, she has washed the feet of the saints, she has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.” Now did you notice as we read that list that each of these qualifications are all in the past tense? She already does these things. This is her steady state, her normal modus operandi. This is what she is like. This is how she lives, who she is, what she’s known for.
As I said at the beginning of this service, we’ll be voting in just a few weeks on candidates for the eldership here at First Presbyterian Church, and each of the candidates will tell you one of the things I said quite often during the course of their training is that elders don’t start to do the work of eldering after they become elders. Rather, we should ordain the men who demonstrate that in many ways they are already eldering. And in a similar way here, these godly women will begin to be deployed in the service of the church not after they are enrolled on the list of true widows. Rather, they are enrolled on the list and deployed in service because they are already busy in this important work – getting on with it without any fanfare, without anyone asking them even to do it. And so listen, if you want to serve the Lord in this church, don’t wait for official recognition or the nod from a pastor or the say-so of the elders or even the vote of the congregation. You don’t need any of that to show hospitality. You don’t need any of that to give yourself to the ministry of prayer. You don’t need any of that to care for those who are afflicted. And what’s more frankly, if what you really want is recognition, and you make recognition a condition of service, you are already disqualified from service, right out of the starting blocks.
“So Timothy, be on the lookout for women who have a servant heart.” They wash the saints’ feet. Did you see that in verse 10? That’s really menial work. It’s what slaves did. It’s also what Jesus did, let’s remember, in the upper room. John 13. He rose from diner, took off His outer garment, girded Himself in a towel, and stooped to wash the dirt from His disciples’ feet. He was giving us there in John 13 a vivid picture of the Gospel, wasn’t He? He took the slave’s part, dying under the condemnation we deserve at the cross. Like that towel wrapped around His waist that night in the upper room that was soon dirty and stained with the grim of the streets, wiped from the filthy feet of His disciples, Jesus took the filth of our sin upon Himself and He washed us clean at Calvary.
And Paul’s point is we should show that we really get that, that it has penetrated, when we find ourselves cheerfully imitating our Savior not because somebody told us to, not because it’s our turn on the rotation, but because it’s our heart. Because in John 13 Jesus said, “I have set you an example that you should do likewise and wash one another’s feet.” “So Timothy, look for ladies like that. Look for servant-hearted imitators of Jesus Christ and put them to work.” Are you looking for praise, for plaudits and applause? You are not yet ready for ministry. Timothy is to look for people who take the lowly part, the servant role, who imitate the Savior.
The maintenance, the marks, the ministry of true widows. And now finally, the motives of true widows. Why is all of this so very important, both for the widows themselves and for the whole church? What’s at stake? Well the first motive for all of this that I want you to see is the honor of God. In verse 4, the care of children for their parents and grandparents, Paul says, is pleasing in the sight of God. And in verse 5, a true widow sets her hope on God. Godliness, in any sphere of the Christian life, is motivated above all by this overriding concern – we want to honor God. Our lives are Godward. Our hopes, our hearts, are oriented toward God.
One reason we struggle to pray in secret – have you ever wondered why you struggle to pray in secret? One reason might be, one reason we resent hard work when it goes unrecognized, one reason that servant-heartedness eludes us, one reason might be that we have not yet really grasped this basic point. It is the honor of God not the praise of our peers that matters most. We still think like the hypocrite that Jesus talked about in Matthew chapter 6. Do you remember him? He made sure always to disfigure his face with a pained expression anytime he was fasting so that everyone would know. He loved to stand on street corners that everyone may hear him and pray these long, ostentatious prayers. He does it all because he loves to be seen. He wants recognition. He’s a hypocrite. He’s not the real thing. There is the affirmation of his neighbor more than the honor of the living God that moves his heart.
As Paul puts it in verse 6, when he discusses women in the church who are self-indulgent in these very ways, such a person, he says, is dead even while she lives. She has a show of religion, doesn’t she, but she doesn’t have the real thing. Friends, let’s examine our hearts. What really motivates your professed Christianity, your service in the life of this church? Are you actually a hypocrite loving the show of piety all the while really driven and craving the praise of your peers? Are you in fact still dead even while you live? That’s a real danger. And if you feel you may be spiritually dead still in your sin, “having only a form of godliness, yet denying its power,” what should you do? Without delay, you need to turn from the show, repent of the self-display, the sham religion of your heart, and turn to the Savior who washed you that you might be clean, even at the cost of His own blood. If everyone else is taken in, you’ve got to know Jesus is not impressed. You must know that He doesn’t need you to serve Him, but you desperately need Him to wash you.
No, Jesus says, we should go into our closet and shut the door and pray to our Father who is in secret, and our father who sees in secret, who hears in secret, will reward us. In other words, you do it for the gaze of God, without regard to the praise of men. Because Jesus has washed you clean, you can now live your life coram deo, before the face of God, for the smile of God, for the pleasure of God, the honor of God. The praise and recognition of others will fall away, will cease to hold its former importance to you, and you will find yourselves serving with a cheerful heart, even if no one ever slaps you on the back because now you are working for the “Well done, good and faithful servant” of your Father in heaven. The first motive Paul teaches us here is the honor of God.
The second motive is the gaze of the watching world. Verse 7, Paul tells Timothy to”command these things as well so that they may be above reproach.” In verse 10, a true widow is someone who has “a reputation for good works.” The word for “reputation” comes from a root that means “to bear witness.” The point is, she lives in such a way that however begrudgingly, even the unbelieving world around her will be forced to testify to her good works. The Christian biological family and the spiritual household of God, the church, must care for widows. Those widows themselves are to be godly, servant-hearted women. Why? All because the world is watching! Demonstrate the truth of the Gospel is godly service, avoid the reproach of the world by the way you care for one another. By this shall all men know that you are My disciples, if you have love one for the other,” Jesus says. What use are Gospel words, what use are they if our fellowship is a sham and our service superficial? You wonder why your colleagues don’t come to church when you invite them, but you are a terrible gossip. You’ve been praying and sharing your faith with your family and nothing seems to be happening, but you’re so selfish and you’re always putting your own interests first. No wonder they don’t listen to you. Brothers and sisters, the world is watching. Have you forgotten? The world is watching.
The honor of God. The gaze of the watching world. And the last motive Paul mentions is the malice of the devil. You’ll notice he addresses the younger widows in the church in verses 11 through 15 and he forbids Timothy from enrolling them because of three areas of temptation to which, in Paul’s judgment – not just his private judgment but I think actually he says some have already fallen in exactly these ways – so these are warnings based on real experience. Three areas of temptation to which these younger women are particularly prone. First is the danger of sexual sin in verse 11, which verse 12 says can altogether ruin our walk with God. Second is the danger of idleness in verse 13. Laziness is hardly mitigated by living needlessly on the church’s dough. And the third danger is gossip, saying what they should not, going from house to house, presuming on the kindness of the members of the church this whole time.
But – and here’s the key – behind all that, in verses 14 and 15, Paul says stands the malice of the devil. Paul wants younger women to “marry and manage their households and give the adversary no occasion for slander. For some have already strayed after Satan.” Satan is the adversary, our great opponent, and he’s looking for every opportunity to bring the good name of the church and the church’s Lord into open disrepute. The Christian life, let’s remember, is lived in the context of the home and the church, and it is a battleground every day. You don’t walk onto a battlefield in shorts and flipflops and with a Nerf gun. You don’t set up a hammock at the front line to take a quick nap. You don’t sunbathe in the trenches. No, you are constantly vigilant, aren’t you, for every possible sign of the enemy and every line of attack he may adopt. You are armed to the teeth. You are wearing body armor. You are depending on the soldiers to your right and to your left. You have their backs and they have yours.
Brothers and sisters in Christ, remember, we are in a spiritual combat zone. The enemy “prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” He is looking for every chance, every opportunity to slander your Savior by leading you to neglect your duty, particularly here to your family and to the needy in the church. Are you asleep in the combat zone? Have you forgotten how much we need one another to wage a good warfare? Are you wearing the full armor of God? Are you vigilant against all the schemes of the enemy? So the honor of God compels our loving care of those in need around us, and it sets us free from seeking the praise of men. The gaze of the watching world pushes us to live lives of authentic service and Christian ministry – to the widow and to the orphan in our midst. And the malice of the devil ought to warn us because he seeks to exploit every lapse in love so we can never relax our guard. So brothers and sisters, let us remember how our Savior has served us, taking the lowliest part, washing us clean, taking our filth at the cross and then, in view of Calvary, let us resolve to serve one another as He has first served us. May the Lord make it so. Let us pray.
Our God and Father, how we bless You for Jesus who loved us and gave Himself for us. Please, O God, by Your Spirit’s mighty power, applying Your Word to our hearts and lives, our homes, our relationships, our fellowship as a church, please teach us to live joyously in light of the cross for Your honor and glory, not the congratulation of our peers. Teach us, O Lord, to be servants, servant-hearted, who long for nothing so much as Your praise, and indeed Your praise before the gaze of a watching world. Make us great witnesses to the redeeming power of the cross by our love for one another, and keep us always on guard against predations of the devil that we may not fall and stumble or be led astray by him. Hear our cries now, in Jesus’ name, amen.